Life Chat: What had Happened Was...
I've missed you guys so much and I'M BACK!!!( I wish you guys could see the big smile on my face as I'm typing this) I owe you guys an explanation as why I just disappeared, so grab a snack because this is going to be a lengthy post.
Where do I begin? Life has happened to me in the most uninvited and unpredictable way. I wasn't prepared at ALL for the mean curve that life has given me.
My relationship with my older sister is depleted. I can't get into much detail, but for lack of better words, she's struggling and taking a untruthful, promiscuous, selfish turn in her life and she's trying to drag me with her. I pray for her everyday, but our relationship will never be the same. Can it be repaired? who knows, but right now it isn't a priority.
I found myself falling back into my depression. I've batted depression and suicidal thoughts after the death of my mom. My sister's drama and the stress of life itself made me depressed. I cried almost every day, in silence. I found myself so stressed that I was not eating, I was losing weight, I had bags underneath my eyes that required two types of concealer to cover. I began to hate waking up in the morning, I only woke up for work (we'll get into that later). I wanted to end my life, but I thought about my niece, my boyfriend, my friends, and put the pills down.
The stress of my situation began to filter into my relationship as well, My boyfriend didn't like the woman I was becoming, he told me that I wasn't the woman he fell in love with. That was a wake-up call, but I still had demons that I was battling silently. I needed to hear my grandmother's voice, but she was gone. I needed my mother's touch, she's gone, so I only turned to the one person I knew would heal me and become my salvation, God.
I'm not the most religious person in the world, but God is real. I wanted the stress to disappear, I wanted to be happy again, I wanted to smile again, I wanted to be healthy (stress weakened my immune system and I got sick three times back to back) so one night I just got on my knees and prayed for God to heal me, to remove the demons from my life, to make me strong again. He's still blessing me, everyday.
My situation isn't resolved, but I've gotten some more clarity on how to handle it. And here's something I had to learn, Never let someone take advantage of you. NEVER GIVE SOMEONE THE POWER TO STEAL YOUR JOY.
I had to learn that not everyone has your best interest at heart, they only want what's best for them and THOSE PEOPLE ARE THE ONES YOU DO NOT NEED IN YOUR LIFE.
OK, enough about the bad, let's get to some good.
Besides the personal and life drama, I was also working two jobs. I was working close to 60 hours a week. No days off. Working so much was great for my bank account, but bad for my body and for this blog. I recently made the mature decision to let my part-time job go, which frees up some time for me to blog again!
My relationship with my boyfriend is still going strong. I'm appreciative of him for being there for me during this hardest time, I actually fell in love with him more because he was my rock. He gave me advice, he held me down.
My niece is now two and so much fun!
I also have so much in store for this blog and I'm so happy to be back.
My battle with depression and stress isn't completely over, I'm still trying to get stronger, wiser, and better. I'm gonna be back to me again, but I'm happy for the progress from then to now.
I want to personally thank all of you for reaching out, sending comments, tweets, emails. I appreciate all of you guys' support. It touched me to know that you guys were genuinely concerned about me. THANK YOU! I'm coming back better than ever and give you the posts that you guys love. I'm going to go hard for you and for this blog.
I'M BACKKKKKK! tell a friend to tell a friend!
Expect posts every Monday and Tuesday guys!